If I had only one wish...

Every coach of every team in every sport has a wishlist. I'm not talking about the kind of wishlist that James Small has with which colour knuckle-duster he wants for Christmas. The wishlist to which I refer is for players, of course. Irrespective of how well a team may be performing or how complete a squad may appear, there is always room for improvement. Aging players need understudies and fresh faces need a Victor Matfield to stunt the growth of their nascent careers. In the spirit of ReRugby's start-stop existence we come back to you now as Super Rugby nears the halfway point in the round robin stage. As a religious festival approaches lets look to the real meaning of such times and think of things we want for ourselves. Let's have a look-see in which position each of the fifteen teams could most use strengthening. For once, I'll resist talking about New Zealand and begin at home in South Africa (not that anyone here will care to read about anything that doesn't start with Oscar , Nkandla or Scarlett Johansson naked).

We'll start in pretty Cape Town where the Newlands faithful haven't even needed fear of a fire to prevent them from placing their rear ends down in their seats. Where to start? Good God! Where a team such as the Stormers is performing as poorly as they are one is automatically drawn toward criticising the leadership on and off the pitch. As much as it pains me, Jean de Villiers cannot take the blame here. He must have taken a few tips from Ryan Giggs in career longevity but for the sake of any brother old JDV may have I would hope it to be the yoga rather than the alternative. Alistair Coetzee is leading the Stormers down a dark path but management aside, you can't help but feel that a bit of dynamism around the fringes is lacking. The Stormers have never been the most exciting lot about but that's fine. Where they have failed this term is imposing themselves and allowing a bit more momentum to carry their attacks forward. Duane Vermuelen is meant to be the big ball carrier but he has lacked form. One wish, if I was Alistair Coetzee (and thank God I'm not because I don't fancy unemployment) is the not so unfamiliar face of Francois Louw. Flow is a fan-favourite and has not been adequately replaced since moving overseas. One player will not change the Stormers position any great deal but his power and disruptive abilities at the breakdown would help stunt opposition attacks and allow a bit more time and space for the backline to... uh.. ya.

Next up is the Cheetahs. Naka Drotske's men have been a serious let-down this season. After such a remarkable resurgence last year, the Cheetahs failed to kick on in the Currie Cup and have been unable to solidify what is ultimately a porous and ill-disciplined defensive unit. There can be no real complaints about their forward pack as they boast one of the most impressive back rows and arguably the second best hooker in the competition. Cheetahs games are always entertaining and you can always count on them to allow for a dramatic comeback, no matter what lead they may have. The question though, is what to do with a talented and unruly animal. Do you try and tame it or let it run wild? Professional rugby is about balance and at the moment the Cheetahs are lacking a touch of that. Their attack is too eager to head to the sideline and a big, gainline crossing, assault-charge-having, PTSD recovering centre could help keep things a bit close and not allow their defence to get too spread every time they lose possession. Someone like Francois Steyn ticks the first two boxes only, as far as I am aware, but oh ya he plays for the Sharks.

'Shithead': a term once used to refer to the Lions so majestically and affectionately on this plane of literary grace known as ReRugby . Nowadays, that may perhaps seem a little out of place. Their start to their campaign has been nothing short of miraculous. A last-minute win against the Cheetahs was one thing but victories against the Stormers, Blues and Reds left all and sundry in a state of absolute incredulity. I think even Warren Brosnihan may have run out of superlatives for the Lions' start to this campaign. Marnitz Boshoff has proved a steady supply of points and a good distributor and kicker out of hand. Elton is looking more and more likely to be off overseas in the face of such consistency shown by Boshoff as it looks like the fat man's days at Ellis Park are numbered. Faf de Klerk has been a useful addition but where the Lions could use a bit extra is in their front row. Hooker has shown itself to be a vital position in recent years with strong, mobile players able to make huge impacts in big matches. Good old Willie Wepenaar is one thing but look, he has not only seen too many winters but is just something of a, well, shithead.

Ah the Bulls. Possibly my worst and favourite topic of conversation. After last year's purple debacle one would probably have thought the worst to be over. Sadly not. Never bet against the master of the fashion faux pas: the Dutchman (no offence meant. The previous comment was a direct insult but considering the fact that I said no offence it means that what I said is now fine). The camouflage kit that the Bulls have got this year is nothing short of a travesty. I never thought it possible that I could imagine hating Jaco van der Westhuisen more swinging from the poles after the 2007 Super Rugby final (less said about that the better) but if he were to be wearing this abomination then quite frankly, I think I may have imploded. Oh right, we are talking about their players. Sorry. Screw that, change the kit.

The Sharks.

End.