Am I not a patriot? Let's Decide

It has become commonplace for criticism to flow quite freely in my direction during this time of year. This is due to my rather unorthodox allegiances in Super Rugby. After or before the Sharks have played in a given weekend it would not be odd to see me wondering around in my yellow and black Hurricanes kit. I will often feel even more compelled to wear this jersey if the 'Canes happen to be playing the Bulls or the Stormers. The reason for this is that I simply like the Hurricanes and have absolutely no positive feelings for any of the other South African teams, in particular the men from behind the Boerewors Curtain. As a result I am often subject to such comments as "but how can you not support the South African teams? You are so unpatriotic." Despite the new format this is surprisingly still a common perception. Irregardless of this I still don't feel the obligation that many others do to support other teams from South Africa and I wish to explain my reasoning here.

First, the other South African teams (whom I shall collectively refer to as the Shitheads) have little to no appeal whatsoever. This group comprises the likes of the Lions and the Cheetahs, who continuously prop up the rest of the log; the Stormers, who do have an element of 'cool' in their favour but are a big rival of the Sharks; and of course the Bulls. Honestly, I haven't the slightest inkling of a positive thought for the Bulls. They play an unenterprising game of rugby, always have horrible jerseys and are filled with players that I don't like. Wynand Olivier has to be one of the biggest knobs around, not to mention Gerhard 'end of the overlap' van den Heever. Just compare Olivier and Jaco Pretorius with Sonny Bill and Fruean. These guys are just so much cooler. "But so many Springboks play for the Bulls". I don't care. Most of them are playing so badly that  according to form they should be 3rd or 4th choice in their respective positions at best and besides that you don't see an English, Chelsea fan cheering Wayne Rooney on when United play against Real Madrid in the Champions League.  

One finds little consolation looking at the other teams. The Lions, as fully described in an earlier article, are truly useless and watching them is actually quite offensive with their lack of any technical ability. They don't have a single cool player and still have Andre Pretorius in their squad. The Cheetahs aren't much better and fail to offer much to get one going early on a Saturday morning. I would honestly wake up, fully hungover, at 5am to watch the Blues play but the Cheetahs, not so much. I dislike the Stormers for a different reason. They are one of the Sharks' main rivals and I want them to lose for reasons that benefit my team and for those that don't. This past week of results could be described as ideal for me with the Sharks winning and the Stormers, as well as each of the other Shitheads, losing but yet it was described as "a disappointing weekend for South African supporters" by Supersport Blitz. It was a disappointing weekend if you are a fan of one of the Shitheads but for the Sharks it resulted in them picking up points where their rivals did not.

These leads me to the point in the argument that I struggle to believe holds any flaws. The simplest way to qualify for the playoffs is to win one's division and in order to do so one needs to get more points than the other teams in the division. That means that I sure as shit want the Stormers and the Bulls (we can forget about the other two because, seriously, they don't offer much competition) to lose every game they play and there is nothing wrong with that. These teams aren't representing South Africa. They represent their own respective union about whom I really don't care. When their players pull on the green and gold I will be fully behind them but when they don the claw-marked red of the Lions or the other nonsense that Gilbert churns out each year I want to see them lose.

Don't misunderstand me though. My intention was not to bash the other South African teams, although I quite enjoy doing so, in favour of the Sharks and the above reasoning is fully applicable to any team one may support. If you support the Bulls and when your focus is finally off deciding which steak to buy for the braai, your concern should be for your team and not for the other South African sides.

Frankly, with guys like Rene Ranger, Luke McAllister, Dan Carter and the like playing for the New Zealand teams it is quite difficult to compete in the 'coolness' factor but our guys don't even register on the board. Hennie Daniller or Iceman; Bjorn Basson or Lelia Masaga? That is about all that really need be said.