Rene Ranger: Man or Myth?

Being Rene Ranger can't be easy. What I mean by that is its pretty hard to live up to the reputation of being pretty much the most epic oke in the world. Now if I were to elaborate on this I could be here all day, so I thought the best approach for tackling the daunting task of documenting why this dude is the bee's knees would be to do it in bullet form. So here goes:

1) His surname is Ranger, that surname couldn't be any more potent.

2) He has a tattoo on his calf which normally I would be averse to but because the guy has such manly calves he pulls it off.

3) He pioneers some of the most epic hair cuts and facial hair known to man. Who could ever forget the rat tail and now the all new bro' fro?

4) He almost certainly racks the bitches

5) His celebrations are ground breaking

and finally,

6) If you try to tackle him, you are sure as shit gonna come off second best.

There is a lot that can be said about Rangers attributes as an awesome dude, but seriously now, enough of the homo erotic stuff. This man in my mind is one of the most talented and electrifying rugby players the world of rugby has to offer. For those of you who are not acquainted with the Ranger brand of rugby here are a few key things that set him apart from the rest. Firstly it is important to note that he is a winger or centre, and as such the standard abilities of any player for this position are excellent handling, speed, agility and a decent level of vision. Ranger has all of these attributes, but what sets him apart are the things he does that are not always mandatory of players for these positions. Firstly, His beaverish attitude toward the ball on the ground and an exceptional level of core strength have enabled him to become one of the most effective turn over specialists in the world of rugby. What I mean by this is that, for the number of opportunities he gets to snaffle the ball off of the deck, his success rate is exceptionally high. Secondly, his ability to offload in the tackle is possibly only bettered by SBW or Dan Carter. This is an attribute that is immeasurable in value, and if Ranger were to be played more often in the outside centre position this talent could be exploited far more often. Finally, his low centre of gravity allows him to be one of the strongest players in the tackle, that world rugby has to offer. Overall, Ranger is the complete centre and his true value to the Blues and New Zealand rugby in the years to come is yet to be totally realized. Essentially, he is the tits!

But for those of you who believe that my head is right up Ranger's arse and that this praise is a bit unwarranted, wait, there is a point to be made here. Given all of these talents, my question is, why have such an effective player in such an uninvolved position? Well, i'm not sure really. Sure, Jarryd Paine has been effective at outside centre for the Blues this year, but my point is, look at what you are missing out on by not playing Ranger at 13. The Blues have played well so far, and why tamper with a winning formula. But the point is, if Ranger and Payne were swapped, how much would that disrupt a winning formula! I bet it wouldn't and, in fact, I reckon the blues would perform even better if this swap was to occur. The thought of having Ranger at centre is enough to give your average fantasy rugby player (Pardon the Afrikaans) a 'gerinktinkel in sy hol in' on a Thursday afternoon when preparing your side for the weekend's fixtures. So I think that Pat Lam should stop being selfish and allow those many thousands of people who would love to see Ranger in the no. 13 jumper, the feeling of being at half mast, even if it is just for one week.